(no subject)
May. 22nd, 2002 04:43 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
hannibalvMay 21, 2002
What we have here is a failure to communicate.
Specifically, I'm having lots of trouble communicating to you, my reading public.
Agree or disagree: the promises we make to ourselves are the ones we feel worst about breaking.
What we've observed in the past few days is actually something that's a bit of a motif in my life: I'll start something patterned or repetitive, follow through on it for a while, then something will happen to get me behind, and I'll try to get up but only end up further behind, until finally I freak out and (usually) quit. Well, this time I certainly did freak out, but I'm not quitting-I'm just picking up where I should have been and backfilling what needed doing when I can.
This isn't easy for me-I really, really wanted to get through a full, seamless year, and having this blip happen so close to that anniversary borders on the infuriating. Hopefully, when I'm done with the three missing entries and have them retroactively posted, the problems won't show.
I was/am really torn up about this whole thing, though-I feel very guilty indeed about doing it. I feel like I'm letting you down in some manner. Am I? Or am I just being too hard on myself. I need you to answer that for me.
As for what I did today, I visited P, bought the special edition DVD of "Memento", and watched it. I'm disappointed in how little I'm doing now that I'm out of work again. I need to find another source of income, preferably soon.
Today's Link Of The Day is rather lovely, really-it's a series of radiographs (x-rays) of flowers. http://www-personal.umich.edu/~agrxray/gallery.html
JHR
5/22/2002 4:42 AM
What we have here is a failure to communicate.
Specifically, I'm having lots of trouble communicating to you, my reading public.
Agree or disagree: the promises we make to ourselves are the ones we feel worst about breaking.
What we've observed in the past few days is actually something that's a bit of a motif in my life: I'll start something patterned or repetitive, follow through on it for a while, then something will happen to get me behind, and I'll try to get up but only end up further behind, until finally I freak out and (usually) quit. Well, this time I certainly did freak out, but I'm not quitting-I'm just picking up where I should have been and backfilling what needed doing when I can.
This isn't easy for me-I really, really wanted to get through a full, seamless year, and having this blip happen so close to that anniversary borders on the infuriating. Hopefully, when I'm done with the three missing entries and have them retroactively posted, the problems won't show.
I was/am really torn up about this whole thing, though-I feel very guilty indeed about doing it. I feel like I'm letting you down in some manner. Am I? Or am I just being too hard on myself. I need you to answer that for me.
As for what I did today, I visited P, bought the special edition DVD of "Memento", and watched it. I'm disappointed in how little I'm doing now that I'm out of work again. I need to find another source of income, preferably soon.
Today's Link Of The Day is rather lovely, really-it's a series of radiographs (x-rays) of flowers. http://www-personal.umich.edu/~agrxray/gallery.html
JHR
5/22/2002 4:42 AM
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Contractual obligations
Date: 2002-05-22 06:53 am (UTC)It's a sticky wicket, it is.
no subject
You aren't letting me down. I have to agree with your buddy above though that I've gotten used to reading in here what's happening with your life and I tend to sometimes not Im you because of that. (not because I don't luv ya) ;-) I thought all-in-all a journal was a place for the writer to get thoughts out of their head and in the open, regardless of who the audience was. here's a question for you: Would you still keep a journal if you thought/knew no one was reading it?
Anyway, hope all is well with you. Don't beat yourself up too much. The world does that enough to each of us without assistance.
<3 Charity~
no you aren't letting me down
Date: 2002-05-22 10:17 pm (UTC)it has been a long long time. it is Kellie Myers from Valpo. i have kept up with you through the journal and from hearing from Dave and Ann. i am just glad to know you are getting through. take care.